i regret divorcing my husband for another man
If you are leaving a good guy/girl that is your loss and if you come to regret it thats on you. I personally feel like this was a big mistake. While my therapist frames this as evidence that Im standing up for my needs, Im now worried this is evidence that Im doing the same thing Anna did to her friends. Eventually, she'd had enough, and we split up," he says. Im so happy toxic feminism took place because it means I can own my own property and become a happy dog lady (allergic to cats) without anything like the good guys seen in these comments in my life. My ex-wife was manipulative, abusive, and controlling. Shes there to help you reflect, not give you instructions. Im sorry to hear that your husband is a regular reader of the column, given how little thats seemed to help him in his personal life. Well thats a personal choice I guess. I made a huge mistake in kissing someone else, and I feel disgusted that I could hurt him like this. Marriage takes a lot of work and youll get out of it what you put in. I just didnt love him any more and wanted out. Lines were too blurred. The unraveling Im married to a nice guy, we have tried to work on things that were making me unhappy but at the end of the day I just dont want to be married anymore and I feel so guilty for that. Wealthysinglemommy.com founder Emma Johnson is an award-winning business journalist, activist, author and expert. Even bathing and naps require lengthy routine. Also: I just dont want to be married to him. I ended up having unprotected sex with multiple people, and I drank and drove a number of times. I respect him and I want him to have all the happiness he deserves as he deserved more than what I was able to give him. So I pay her a ton of child support and she lives in a nice big house with no real bills that Im aware of. It quickly became clear that he understood; I only wish I had told him sooner. And no: Your kids do not want your engagement ring. I tried to put it in the back of my mind but I had on/off discussions with this person over the following few years about how we felt and I discovered that the feeling was mutual. My ex and I stopped dating after our son was born. Furthermore, I dont have an eating disorder and Im not addicted to drugsbut when I say that, people say Hmm and nod as though they dont believe me. It takes courage to get out of a marriage, Im married to someone who anyone with a right mind would divorce, and here I am still married to him. But Im happier than Ive been in years, all in all. If yes, its one of the most evident signs your ex-husband regrets letting you go and wants to be with you. Please, if you are a woman (or man for that matter), think long and hard before heading down this crazy hedonistic road that this author is suggesting. Selfish I know. Once I accepted that and got over the fear of being alone, it was easier. He admitted that he never wanted to get Whatever happened to commitment ? Was with my husband over 20 years, married 13, unhappy the last 5. 2023 Wealthysinglemommy.com, Single Moms: Date, parent and make money like a mother, What is a single mom? 0 time for any ounce of selfishness from others and need full attention to my kids whom both depend on me immensely for their every need. I have access to other therapists, but I really dont want to start over. I would hate for a husband to stay with me for that reason I dont see why it would be different for men. You upset your entire family, hurt your kids and upended your life. When my daughter was two years old, I reached a point of thinking, Am I delaying the inevitable? I feel so guilty for leaving my marriage. Through all the lies, another cell phone, a Facebook account that said he was in a relationship (when they had been married for 15 years) and cheating with one single person who was 15 years younger than him, my mom remained with him for the sake of my siblings and me. Is it better to leave now whilst my daughter is young enough not to have any memories of me and her father together, or leave when shes older and risk messed up her life completely?. I am not this girls mother in any way, but I owe her something. I am 33 years old. In the beginning, after separating from our spouses, I was beyond miserable. I realized that it would take more than words to rebuild his trust in me, so I went to counseling. He gets on great with my child and she adores him, though the boundaries are clear in that she doesnt need a second dad or stepfather figure. Overall, were both extremely happy and even though I have to pay out a lot of money its worth it to be with someone that makes me this happy.. I would have had an abortion if that had been possible. Sit with them all, and feel them all. Is she lonely, depressed, full of hatred and resentment? Ive learned these lessons the hard way. About three months into our (physical) relationship, we had to make some tough decisions because we both felt we had both fallen in love with each other over the last year or so before we had even started anything physical. Put in the effort and seek professional help if needed. At 16, I gave up a baby girl. Slate is published by The Slate (Read: Our guide for how to prepare for divorce). I Maybe the chemistry that once united two head-over-heels people is no longer present or the physical connection has fizzled. Sometimes for this reason, people need 'time out' to think clearly about what they want and how they feel. Last I heard, she is having the same issues she had with the last guy. We never did anything together, it was dead in the bedroom, and she spent all day watching soaps to have me come home and watch a couple shows together before shed fall asleep on the couch. The person I had these feelings for had always told me to focus on my family and never tried to push me into any decisions, but would be honest about his own feelings and how they were messing him up too. Ive become a better partner because of this, too. He continued to see this other lady on the side for about six years and theyre still together now. Consider finding a therapist online using a therapy platform like BetterHelp. I dont understand all the bitter comments from men in this post. What I mean is this: Today you feel all kinds of shame and guilt for wanting to leave your relationship. My ex-husband and I became friends through the divorce process oddly enough and we still talk now. Hes really a narcissist jerk that wants to be married to a doormat of a woman like before feminism happened. Been separated a year and Ive beat myself up every, single day. Divorce will not solve a single problem. He also rants about that on a semi frequent basis. While I am here to tell you that it takes two people to make a relationship work, and both parties have a responsibility for a relationship not working out, there can be some overt actions society tells us are wrong that place the responsibility on one spouse, such as: If you feel guilty for leaving a marriage, and you are really beating yourself up, here are a few things to consider: See where I am going here? The choice of one man as your husband closes the door on the choice of another man. Women are taught that our highest calling is to sacrifice for family and children. If shes not inclined to share things with you, and doesnt ask for help, then I think you should back off and enjoy the peace and quiet once the two of them move out. We became best friends and talked daily while husband my was at work, so it was behind his back. WebIf you believe that His best for you or your best self is on the other side of divorcing your husband, then you believe a lie. Once I found a house in the new location, she decided to stay at home for another six months. Dear Prudence, I am at rock bottom. I dont want a relationship. But given how her partner has responded to your direct questions in the past (Im curious about just how you phrased those questions), I dont think theres anything to be gained from asking said partner if she thinks shes depressed or by telling her she must have a mental health issue. Somehow its been drummed into me somewhere along the way that unless he beats me, cheats, gambles etc. anyways. You do not need to tell her anything, and in fact Im inclined to think you shouldnt have any further communication with her. Thats on her. Yes, you may feel unfulfilled in some way, but then so might your spouse. I dont have any commitment to any of these men, but simply feeling that way around them made me realize that by staying in my marriage, I am missing out on something I deeply crave and long to nurture. WebFor a man to regret leaving his wife and to admit that there is something to be sorry about, he would have to be vulnerable enough to be honest with himself and to have an active conscience. I understand two people make a commitment when they marry, but nothing in this life can stay the same forever, marriage is just a contract. I got married when I was 19 years old to someone I had been with for a year, but friends with throughout school. I know she thinks Im horrible. Required fields are marked *. the H left for TWO YEARS and lived with another woman while pushing So I left. Try changing to a new career when you sunk 20 years into training for something else. What do I tell her? Prudence, he trusts you and listens to your podcast/reads your column regularlywhat do I do?Desperate for Forgiveness. He admitted that he never wanted to get divorced; when he was in court, he actually had the urge to speak up and tell the judge that he couldn't go through with it. I do not regret my divorce at all. Id be lying if I said I didnt think about my ex. You might like him again (it has happened). If the thought of saying nothing feels impossible to you, you can send her a brief note giving her a general sense of the circumstances of her birth and making it clear youre not available for further contact: I hope youre well, and that your family has been good to you. I would never do this again. We both do but I think Ive gotten past it quicker. I was so stressed out, even in my sleep, that all my back/neck muscles ached constantly. You hurt him and you feel guilty about that. For whatever reason, he feels like conflict = the end of a relationship. Thats cool. I bet all you guys making these comments think of yourselves as good guys. About four months before the divorce went through, my mom found out that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and that was the moment that my mom truly got over him. "She never loved me. its not your fault for wanting to leave your perfect husband. My husband and I only talk about chores and money. Why would a young man commit to a woman who tomorrow -on a whim- feels she no longer loves her husband or she isnt emotionally or sexually amused anymore. Someone called EMS, and they gave me something to make me vomit. Then he will blame me for my kid tripping in the hallway of my apartment and getting a bloody boo-boo on his head, or cancel a visit with the kids last-minute because he wants to see a concert and all those cozy notions are thrown out the window quicker than a Las Vegas divorce. I wish we could be friends, especially since Ive known her since I was 18 and was with her for over half my life. What do I owe her? I did end up getting that job to full time, been here for almost ten years now.. Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), What was your favorite moment from #LifewayWomenLi, Only ONE more day until the Lifeway Women Simulcas, Have you heard?! I was devastated. Now it has taken me the last 5 years trying to get up the courage to destroy my whole life, his life, and my kids life just to tell him I want divorce so I can be happy. Things are going well for me. (Questions may be edited.). Once that is gone, there isnt a whole lot of reason to stay. What should I do?. Life after divorce 11 things you can do now to move on. Anyway, a while later, a younger co-worker and I went to a conference together. Have you tried other ways to give your marriage a lift? Complete and utter reckless, selfish, egocentric, narcissistic behavior. Two young kids, no family support anywhere nearby, two very busy demanding jobs with long hours. She broke off her engagement (she had been with him for eight years) and I started the painful divorce process, all the while second-guessing myself that I was throwing away my now 18-year marriage to a person I had been with for over half of my life. We had ups and downs in our marriage, but it was characterized by a loyalty and love to each other and God, and our mutual great parenting of our four children. Ask yourself seriously, what real benefit will I have by leaving and way up against the pain you will cause to those you love for doing it. So what you are saying is you ruined multiple peoples lives and your own financial situation because you didnt feel the tingles in your panse, You are a selfish and horrible person. Perfect or am leaving him to look for someone who fulfills all my needs. It was love at first sight. No one wants an old cow? She has genetic abnormalities yet is on a genuis level so her care is full time and requires numerous appointments and special diet and lifestyle. Then we grew closer and closer. She could have lied to him the rest of his life. Hes an amazing person and I feel lucky to have him, but I deeply regret what I did to my ex. I am a woman and I dont get it either. I love him so much and I dont know why, because I do not like him, for the most part. I have came to terms that when I leave him I will not want to live with another man. What? It takes dating, flirting, time alone and time for each other. I wouldnt have blamed her. Any desire you may have to date, find romance, get laid, test the dating waters, poke around on a dating site or be public with a man you are deeply in love with (and maybe cheated on with) is met with a bountiful dose of societys madonna-whore complex when it comes to mothers: We are told that good mothers are virgins, and our children will shrivel in horror should they be subject to their mothers expression of womanhood. We had had conversations throughout the relationship about this other person and our friendship, so it wasnt a surprise to him. He never seems satisfied with my level of contribution or participation, and as a result, my relationship with his daughter can feel strained. Jordan handwrote me little letters throughout the day, confided intimate details, and seemed to appreciate me more than my husband ever would. Your husband isnt interested in developing more with you, and you cant fix this marriage without his participation. In my mind, marriage meant flowers, love notes, and other romantic gestures on a regular basis. If youre truly concerned that his immigration status could be threatened as a result of registering a complaint (which is not guaranteed) and would prefer instead simply to withdraw, tell him directly that youre leaving because of his repeated propositions and find another treatment facility. Again, all of this is normal. When you marry, you give up one thing for another. In other words, we are taught early on that our happiness is frivolous and selfish. Live your life as if you have lived and died once already and you have another chance to live the life you always wanted to live. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. If someone is not in love with someone anymore then why even stay with them. Chatting led to flirting which led to a tryst in a city between us. Nobody forced you to marry him in the first place. You dont have to explain or justify your decision not to speak with her, and if it would make you feel easier, you can block her number or decline to answer her emails and carry on with your life, knowing that what you are doing is the kindest and easiest thing for everyone. I thought I could recapture my 20s. What Is Regret, And Why Might Your Ex Regret Divorce? I love my husband more than anything in this world, but I cheated on him. I have been broken up with multiple times before and never in my life did I think of begging someone so stay with me, life is just as good alone. He has a good job, but spoils his children and very little is left for me. I ended up developing feelings over time and then several months later, we spontaneously/unexpectedly kissed and it escalated from there. A friend phoned to tell him how sick I was, but he didn't even answer the call. Even though you've cheated on him you haven't lost one ounce of the respect you've always had for Divorce guilt lasts as long as you choose to, though it does take time to get over a big breakup. Basic fact is women get less attractive as they age, while they can still get sex pretty easy no one is gonna want an old cow when milk is cheep and plentiful . Makes think of the where have all the good men gone, What? Im not sure what to think. I dont want this, we need to be on the same page to grow together and provide the environment for our daughters to succeed. He may realize that the grass is not greener on the other side if his new relationship isnt everything he had hoped for. All these feelings are totally normal, even if they are conflicting. He did not feel we needed help, because he was fine with things the way they were. We only talk in email and text and only about our son or pick up/drop off plans. For lessons learned, it takes two people to make a marriage. My ex has found someone else too and she seems lovely. The hard years and raising a young family as part of a life together. I called my husband and told him I was leaving him; it happened that fast. You may find that he is a better dad post-divorce, and now that you dont fight with him any more, and have the kids half the time, you are a better mom. Two weeks after that phone call, I get a call from a mutual friend who announced that my ex-wife is with someone who is six years younger than her. Struggling with horrible guilt after filing for divorce? I have heard many similar stories, all of which resonate on some level. Do you feel weird to have a sex life with someone who is not your kids dad? It was all a big mistake, but none of it can be fixed. Just another example of a self serving person, with an horrific sense of entitlement and no sense of personal accountability. WebIf you are just starting out on your divorce journey, regret or guilt can manifest in all kinds of toxic ways that make the divorce process that much more painful for all parties WebThe biggest lesson I learned from my marriage and divorce is that the truths we feel deep within us stand the test of time. You may have genuine reasons to leave your marriage, an unfaithful or abusive spouse, or a serious breakdown of the relationship that is becoming toxic. I was seriously unhappy for the last 11 or 12 years of the marriage and she never saw it. I had actually had a hard time getting over her for years, but this was the final straw. I decided to be straightforward and tell him what I thought went wrong before, and what I'd need from him going forward. "Well, it's done," he told us, and walked off before I could say a word. Things like that, but I do love that they get along for the most part.. Suddenly I realized that leaving Jason was a terrible mistake, and that I was the one who had been behaving so badly. Jason and I had an uncontested dissolution of marriage, so I didn't need to physically be there to make it official. He is very stressed and overwhelmed, but we both work full-time and I do my best to help around the house. Sadly, marriages can end for several different reasons. I have communicated that I want to be a trusted adult she can have fun with and am his backup support when he needs me. You destroyed your husband's self-esteem, manhood and self-respect with your behavior and humiliated him in the absolute worst possible way and you have the nerve to equate this with him playing basketball. It makes me wonder whether Sammy ever told Anna any of these things, or merely vented about her to other people who could not possibly have helped the situation. Looking back, it was the best thing I could have ever done and we are all happier now than we were.. Im a happier person and am no longer plagued by anxiety attacks. This last time, well, lets just say the timing didnt work out for him. There has always been pressure on me to be her full-on mother, and I think those expectations are stressful for both of us. I woke up in tears every morning for a full year. The marriage was not the best thought-out idea as we were both quite immature teenagers who absolutely believed we were the most mature two people on the planet.
